Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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