dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Still dying that you shit outside
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
