Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
