apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
