Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i believe in u and ur pee
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
