coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
