I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
