I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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