my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
that is very illegal...i love you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
