I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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