Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
