dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
