Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
