the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
