There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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