dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
