I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
