Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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