Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
