man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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