Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
