You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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