I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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