Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize