Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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