hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
