I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
