Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
