i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
