some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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