um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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