everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
