I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
