Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
