I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize