We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
