It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
