My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's blow job season.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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