erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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