it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
