Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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