I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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