Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
