you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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