so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
