is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
