I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
