He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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