I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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