I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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