you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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