My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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