Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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