You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
