she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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