I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
