the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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