how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
