I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
