Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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