tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
