I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
