I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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