I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
