your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
